it's weird when you can't comprehend life, even though you seem to have everything under control, all the outside forces will work together to make sure that you don't. It's a real pain when i look at it this way, because i'm only secure of myself when i know what i'm doing. seasonally affected depression really brings the worst out in me, my mood swings change so frequently that all i'm really left with at the end of the day is severe fatigue and confusion about how in the hell the entire day went, kind of like amnesia, but without the forgetting, just a bunch of frustration. i've given up on alot of things, alot of friends, alot of principals and morals that i thought ran so strong through me, but i guess i was wrong about them, they distort and twist to things that i can't even stand anymore, many people in saskatoon have found that out i guess. To the ones that aren't my problem, that arent' the cause of my angst i'm truly sorry for leaving you in the dust, but personal growth has to be the main priority that i have to focus on, and with everything and everyone in that city hurting me in my own eyes, i needed to get away from them as much as possible. When you distort yourself, the world distorts around you, forever to consume the individual in their own destruction based on what self worth really means. A saying that i have been going by lately is "It's so hard to know what's real when you're not". i think it really means something nowadays because whenever you slip into life, daydreams catch you without you really noticing, those things that you strive for in them, the things that you think are so great and wonderful and are coming to you, aren't really there, theyre in the dream, just trying to manipulate you into something that you aren't and eventually you end up in a spiral of destruction and sorrow. to everyone that reads this, don't believe that it's better when you leave everything behind. i myself have found regret in alot of things that i have done or have been doing, but the only thing i can comfort myself in is that i'm moving on, growing into something that i should have became a long time ago. jsut as all of you should do as well.